Sugar, Weed, and Boogers

I took the boys to have their pictures professionally taken this morning.  Yes, it’s  a school day.  They were extremely distressed about missing school.  Seriously. Eli was worried about perfect attendance and exempting exams.  He has missed exactly ZERO days all year.  Who do these people belong to?  I was begging to skip out on school at their age!  Anyway, to say that it was freezing is not an exaggeration. It was literally freezing–32 degrees this morning . . . outside pics. I’m hoping they aren’t all going to look like Rudolph because those noses and cheeks were shining by the time they got back into the warm car . . . which I sat in while they took pics.  No judgement please!  On the way to the appointment, they were all fairly quiet.  It was early and cold so the trip to the location was fairly uneventful.  However when they got back into the car whining about hypothermia and child abuse, personalities were out in full color. 

This is my account of the car ride back to school. 

FORTY MINUTES 

Fort Valley to Ellaville

First of all, they are hungry.  Of course they are!  I cooked them a healthy breakfast before we left home so we wouldn’t have to stop and get them something to eat.  Nevertheless, being the sweet and attentive mother I am, I stop at a gas station.  I tell them to get a small snack that will hold them over until lunch. They come back with honey buns . . . two per child.  Apparently this “small snack” was on sale–must be a holdover from Black Friday.  They were exceedingly proud of themselves.    It didn’t take long for the sugar to begin its work.  About 5 minutes into our trip I look in my rear view mirror and see Judah with no shirt on.  Honestly, I don’t even ask anymore. As long as the kid has a shirt on when he gets to school we are all good.  Ty tells me that one time he went to school without his shirt on.  Don’t read past this my friends without letting the full impact of that rest upon you.  My child went to school with NO SHIRT!!!!  I have no idea how I missed that.  Apparently, he thought it would be a good idea to just wear his jacket zipped up that day.  For all of you parents out there who feel like you are failing,  I hope this makes you feel better!  All this talk about shirts being off somehow leads the guys in the back to a conversation about nipples.  Judah informs the car that girls have nipples but boys don’t.  Thankfully Eli came to the rescue and let Judah know that what he said is not accurate. Eli shared the scientific reasons why women’s nipples are bigger and ends with them talking about some kid who breastfed until he was 4.  Up to this point, I haven’t said a word.  I mean, what could I possibly add.

Now please keep in mind that my 13 year old is in the front seat with me while the “little” brothers are in the back.  Dru has discovered 90’s rock and so throughout this ride we are being serenaded by bands such as Green Day and Nirvana with a little Poison and Def Leopard snuck  in for variety.  We are a music loving family, so my kids know all the words to Smells Like Teen Spirit as well as Pour Some Sugar on Me.  And, by the way, who actually knows the words to Smells Like Teen Spirit?  I’m a 90’s girl, and it’s mostly just a lot of mumbling and humming along.  Anyway, I digress.  The music is loud.  The conversations are louder.  Dru turns to me and says “Mom, look its a weed van.  That van right there has a picture of weed on it, and it says the word cannabis.”  At this point the kids in back who up until this point in the ride have been singing and talking about nipples stop what they are doing and one of them asks, “Hey mom, have you ever smoked weed?”  GOOD LORD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL!  I vowed to never lie to my kids, and so I told the truth. “Yes, I have. I tried it once when I was younger.”  The kids don’t miss a beat.  They go back to their normal banter.   All I can think about is my 3rd grader going back to school and telling his friends that his mom smokes weed. So, that was our next very short and to the point conversation.  It went like this, “Do not go to school and tell people that your mom smokes weed!”  End of conversation.  I haven’t received a call yet, so I think I’m in the clear.

We are only like 10 minutes into this ride! I’m not even kidding!  We have about 30 more minutes to go.  The intelligent conversations continue.  Now it’s boogers.  Because . . . obviously!  Apparently someone has boogers.  I now know what they look like and how said person chose to get rid of them. I will spare you those details.  I certainly wish I had been.  During the remainder of the ride, the twins sit in the back and quote one-liners from the movie Billy Madison and The Water Boy.  “Where did you see those movies?” I ask.  “We watched them with Bo when we went to spend the night!  They are funny!”  Really?  Thanks Jess!  And one of my forever favorites, Tommy Boy.  “Fat guy in a little coat.” If you grew up in the 80’s and 90’s, you say that line singing just like Chris Farly.  Ty and Eli must have sung that line 20 times–each time laughing as if it was the first.  That viewing opportunity was all me.  I can’t blame Jess for that one!

As they are quoting these very intelligent movie lines, I feel cold air come into the car.  I really shouldn’t have even asked.  I told you earlier that I had stopped asking!  But I couldn’t help myself.  And the response, “Oh, Eli is spraying water out the window.” It’s 30 degrees!  Why God . . . why are these kids trying to make me act like a maniac this morning?  I have an extreme amount of patience.  It is being pushed to its absolute outer limits!  I can’t wait for them to get out of the car. I have had enough this morning.  I need to think thoughts.  Real thoughts.  Thoughts that don’t include weed and boogers!

Finally, we make it to the school.  I drop off the bigs and take Judah to the elementary school.  I get in the car with a feeling of relief.  But then . . . that feeling of relief was replaced with something unexpected.  I felt sad and lonely in the car by myself.  As crazy as the morning was, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.  I miss my guys when they aren’t with me.  Perspective hits me like a Mack truck.  I think I want quiet, but what would that quiet mean?  I think I want less laundry, but what would less laundry mean?  I think I want an immaculate house, but what would that perfectly clean house mean?  It would mean that my guys are all grown up.  They are gone.  Moved on to live their lives.  And one day they will do that.  They MUST do that.  But not yet. And I refuse to live these precious years bearing my gifts as if they are burdens as the Ginny Owens song says. (check her out below)  God knows I really don’t want that.  God knows my heart.  And so I ask him to help me with my perspective.  EVERY. DAY. 

Perspective:  A particular attitude toward or way of regarding something

   And so, I leave you with a question:

Do you need to change your perspective? 

How do you know?  Make a list of your most treasured gifts.  If any of your gripes would change or take away those things that you value most, the answer to the question is yes.

“Children are a gift from the Lord: they are a reward from him.  Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands.  How joyful is the  man whose quiver is full of them . . .” Psalm 127: 3-5