I Hear Me

Number of pregnancy tests taken: 6    

Accident:

an event that happens by chance or that is without apparent or deliberate cause.

Judah was a bit of an accident.  Okay, no! That’s not exactly right. He wasn’t a bit of one.  He was a full blown how in the hell could this have happened twist of fate thrust upon our lives!  I know that I am supposed to say he was a “surprise” but whatever!  That’s just something people say to make themselves feel better.  For the first few weeks after finding out that we would be adding number 4 to the mix, we could not mentally process this information.  I even researched false pregnancy test results just in case there was a chance that SIX tests might be wrong!  Trip and I were in complete shock.  We were already the very tired parents of a 3 year old and TWO 2 year olds.  ALL BOYS!  We were drowning to say they least. 

After we got over the WTH phase of the pregnancy and moved into the “Okay, we got this” phase, we called the poor kid Susannah.  And by “we” I mean all 5 of us!  Because we were certain that this #4 surprise would be a girl. I mean, why else would God do this but to bless us with a little girl after all these boys, right??  It makes me chuckle even as I type this.  You know . . . . how we think we know what’s best.  Turns out #4 was not a girl.  So, after weeks of calling this kid Susannah, we had to figure out another boy name! And then retrain the toddlers to call him Judah instead of Susannah. 

From the moment Judah made his arrival, he was spoiled rotten.  Everyone in the family knew that this was it–the last one. And he was treated not only as if he was the last Grace baby to be born but as if he would be the last baby to born in all the Earth!  The whole family loved him to pieces.  From the very beginning, he took on the position as baby of the family like a champ.  He knew exactly where he fit into this family.  Life of the party, of course!

Because of all of his big brothers, Judah’s vocabulary developed pretty quickly. He was able to communicate very well as a toddler, but there was a phrase that he used to say that would crack us up every time.  When Trip would get on to him, he would always say, “Do you hear me, Judah?”  And for the longest time Judah would reply, “I hear me, daddy.”  It got to the point where Trip would ask him just to hear the response.  I can hear his little voice saying it all these years later.  So many memories. Many I have forgotten, but for some reason, this one stuck.  Makes me wonder . . . what is it about this memory? Or, maybe its not the memory exactly. Maybe it’s the phrase itself.

I hear me.  Oh, do I ever hear me. I hear me ALL THE TIME!  I hear all of my opinions. I hear all of my worries.  I hear all of my gripes and complaints.  All of the ways I have been wronged or hurt.  I hear me to the point that too many days I am exhausted from hearing me! Anyone relate?? 

Not too long ago, I was stressing over something.  I was inside my head going over all the scenarios.  I had been stuck in this place for days.  You know the place that I’m talking about.  We have all been there.  I knew that I was not trusting God, and so I began to talk with Him about it. As I opened up to the Lord about my insecurities and doubts, something startling happened.  Instead of hearing me, I heard Him.  “I see you.”  Three words that I heard all the way to my core.  I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s the truth.  I felt immediate peace.  The peace that Paul talks about in Philippians that passes all understanding.  (Philippians 4:7)  I felt so very loved and cared for in that moment.  Even now that feeling has lingered on.  He sees me.  Little, insignificant me.  And what is even more astonishing is that He not only sees me, but He sees you and the next door neighbor and even the coworker who drives you insane.  He sees into each of our lives.  And He will SPEAK into our souls if we will unclasp our hand, take captive our thoughts and act faithfully in listening for HIM.

It’s time to hear the ONE who speaks peace and not chaos into our souls.  It’s time to hear the ONE who knows the past, present, and future of ALL LIFE.  The ONE who sees all of our journey’s from beginning to end.  The ONE who knows that this Love + Grace clan needs a spunky, funny, attention-loving, kind personality to make our circle complete. 

I could have saved myself lots of stress and worry in those first weeks of pregnancy 10 years ago if only I had stopped hearing me and listened for HIM. 

Call to me and I will answer you, and will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known.  Jeremiah 33:3